It’s so true. Mental illness, when not being treated as the redheaded stepchild of medical issues, is often romanticized. Beautiful, brooding, mysterious girls cut themselves, OD on pills, and suffer from eating disorders.
It is glamorous. It is beautiful.
But the truth is, there is nothing beautiful about being shot up with an antipsychotic and restrained in a hospital ER while you scream and cry until you’re hoarse and your eyes are nearly swollen shut. There is nothing beautiful about the scars that are left behind for you to hide from everyone because you are ashamed and embarrassed. There is .nothing beautiful about laying on the same couch, in the same clothes, without showering for days on end.
No. Mental illness is not beautiful. It is painful. It is embarrassing. It is a lot of other things, but it most certainly isn’t beautiful.
As a person who cannot breathe right now, what are things that I can do that will set me on the path out of here?
These are some of the most useful tips that I have ever come across and none of them involve popping a benzo, which has often been my go-to for immediate anxiety and panic relief.
(In other news, I went 2+ days without an Ativan earlier this week. It was a minor miracle and I am hoping for many more like them.)
Give them a try my panicky friends and, if you’d like, comment and let me know how they worked for you!
Your anger needs an outlet before it explodes.
One of the huge differences that I have been experiencing lately, since the depression and anxiety have lifted a bit, is that I no longer turn all of my anger inward. That’s a great thing right? Well, it is until it turns me into a total bitch and, in the worst case scenario, a violent and delusional rageaholic.
I probably should have paid more attention to the Anger Management portion of my Partial Hospitalization program but I thought “this doesn’t apply to me”. I thought that because I was so rarely outwardly angry that this portion of the program wasn’t relevant.
Oh boy, was I wrong.
So, what now? Well, I suppose it is time to work on my patience and mindfulness. I need to learn to think before I speak and, when necessary, to write out my thoughts before I say them out loud. I have to control my impulsive behavior and step back when a situation is escalating instead of automatically aggressively defending myself. I also have to recognize when discussing the issue is not going to make a bit of difference. It is not always me. There are hard-headed people out there who may be wrong but will never acknowledge, accept, or apologize.
I need to learn to let go.