City, Panicked

quirky. almost thirty. female. professional consumer of mental health services. too many diagnosis to track. dog lover. occasional fitness enthusiast. social media junkie.
Recent Tweets @CityPanicked
It has been brought to my attention that my roommate/ex-boyfriend/asshole/only friend in LA will be leaving the city when our lease is up. Where he is going is anyone’s guess and I should be happy for this closure but I am not. 

I am terrified. I have no idea how to not fall apart without being propped up, at least a little. But there is no one else. Not here. Not back in NY. My relationship with my family is tumultuous at best. My relationship with myself is one of self-loathing. I no longer even have a job. I can barely care for the dogs, despite loving them with all of my heart and soul. I no longer think I can even care for myself. 

I have lost everyone. I am losing everything. I am all alone.

It has been brought to my attention that my roommate/ex-boyfriend/asshole/only friend in LA will be leaving the city when our lease is up. Where he is going is anyone’s guess and I should be happy for this closure but I am not.

I am terrified. I have no idea how to not fall apart without being propped up, at least a little. But there is no one else. Not here. Not back in NY. My relationship with my family is tumultuous at best. My relationship with myself is one of self-loathing. I no longer even have a job. I can barely care for the dogs, despite loving them with all of my heart and soul. I no longer think I can even care for myself.

I have lost everyone. I am losing everything. I am all alone.

(via goodbyereallove)

This has been me a lot lately. I missed two of my therapy groups last week because I couldn’t leave the house. I didn’t shower and wore the same clothes for four days. I feel numb. Worn down. Defeated.

This has been me a lot lately. I missed two of my therapy groups last week because I couldn’t leave the house. I didn’t shower and wore the same clothes for four days. I feel numb. Worn down. Defeated.

chibird:

The more you say it, the more you believe it. The more you believe it, the truer it will become as you strengthen yourself and your confidence!

This actually made me smile.

I haven’t felt like smiling much lately.

I think I may have figured it out. My life. I know it won’t fix everything. That I will still need medication. Therapy. And I just figured out where and how I want this to happen. I have dreams and I am going to make them all come true. One moment at a time.

I can’t get into any further detail just yet. (I don’t want to jinx myself!) But I want you all along for the journey…through the good and the bad. Sneak peaks and little changes coming soon!

via https://dayone.me/HYkzTb