I think I may have figured it out. My life. I know it won’t fix everything. That I will still need medication. Therapy. And I just figured out where and how I want this to happen. I have dreams and I am going to make them all come true. One moment at a time.
I can’t get into any further detail just yet. (I don’t want to jinx myself!) But I want you all along for the journey…through the good and the bad. Sneak peaks and little changes coming soon!
My glasses are streaked with tears, my eyes swollen, and my lids heavy. I look through them again and I see just how alone I am.
I’ve pushed away everyone. Absolutely everyone. I left work early yesterday as I felt the tears start down my face. I stayed home today when I began sobbing and couldn’t stop.
The Ativan is working to deal with the immediate panic but it isn’t enough to get me out of the house. Nothing is strong enough to deal with this depression. I need to pick up meds and get paper towels - and this is why I cannot live alone. I can’t even get the most basic and absolutely essential things. I have food but no energy to make it. I have no money to order pizza because now I have to save for yet another move. Come November 1st, I will have a new “home” and I am terrified. I don’t ever want to move again. My brain can’t handle it. But I have no choice.